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8 months ago
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Outside of game capacity, when is it appropriate to kick someone out of a gaming group permanently?
I would be fine asking someone to leave if they were consistently rude or aggressive or any number of other obvious behaviors that negatively influence the experience for everyone else — but we have one group member who is genuinely one of the nicest people with an open and inquisitive soul who I have ever met, which makes this a challenging question. This player both plays so slowly and asks so many questions that he can potentially add an hour to playing time, which is a big deal for a mid-workweek meetup. He also will ask the same question repeatedly, sometimes right after someone else asks the same one.
For many of these folks, I am their ambassador to board games. I am fine if someone needs a moment or has questions; these games have a lot of information, and questions usually indicate engagement. I believe in no shame for honestly trying your best. However, this player strains my patience, even though it is abundantly clear that he is trying his best and I enjoy gaming with him on a slow weekend afternoon. Any advice here?
I would be fine asking someone to leave if they were consistently rude or aggressive or any number of other obvious behaviors that negatively influence the experience for everyone else — but we have one group member who is genuinely one of the nicest people with an open and inquisitive soul who I have ever met, which makes this a challenging question. This player both plays so slowly and asks so many questions that he can potentially add an hour to playing time, which is a big deal for a mid-workweek meetup. He also will ask the same question repeatedly, sometimes right after someone else asks the same one.
For many of these folks, I am their ambassador to board games. I am fine if someone needs a moment or has questions; these games have a lot of information, and questions usually indicate engagement. I believe in no shame for honestly trying your best. However, this player strains my patience, even though it is abundantly clear that he is trying his best and I enjoy gaming with him on a slow weekend afternoon. Any advice here?
How is the rest of the group taking this person? Are they okay with his behavior? Are they complaining privately? I think that needs to enter into your decision. If everyone except you is fine with this behavior, then I'd let it go. If some are complaining, or some feel it's limiting, then action could be taken.
The good thing is that you can offer the alternative of playing with them on the weekends when there's not as much time pressure. Explain that while you understand they need a lot of time, the time they are taking is noticeable when playing on a weekday.
The other suggestion I have is to have them play only when you're playing games of lighter complexity. This way they can still participate occasionally, and your group can play heavier games without as much concern about time.
I will mention that the reason I don't do well with heavy games — although I love them! — is that I would be this person. I need a decent amount of time to really figure out what the best choice is in the moment. Instead of taking that time, I simply look at the board, see what's available, and make a play. I do not want to hold up the game continually as I ponder my moves. Not everyone can be expected to do this, and I don't win many heavy games, but I'm more comfortable when the game is moving along, even if I do sacrifice wins. I'm sure some players wish I'd be more competitive, however I've made the choice that keeps the game going.
Best,
Ms. Meeple (Jennifer Schlickbernd)
P.S. If there's a situation in your board game group or at a meetup that you would like advice on, please send me a Geekmail with "Ms. Meeple" in the title.
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English (US) ·